Ramadhan - Creativity Nine

Nine Day

Before my left index finger did a righteous deed and defended the honor of life, this message, seemingly created from a chocolate wrapper, read (in a way quite typical of the hedonistic wester-now) "DONT STOP MY DESIRE".

It echoes various other sentiments of Westworld aka Western Europe and the USA, that I've noticed throughout my life. Another one which I always remember as being quite significant and unintentionally ironic was a pop song by a group called... if my memory serves me correctly, 2 Unlimited. The song was called 'No Limit' and it was quite a ridiculous 90's dance proposition. The song went like this, "no no, no-no, no no, no-no, no no, no-no THERE'S NO LIMIT!" It repeated for a while, then it changed a bit, something about reaching for the sky and doing whatever you like.. with pride! It was a funny old song. I thought the lady in the video was quite pretty despite her slightly agressive outward appearance, which I presume was for the benefit of the video. The song makes me think of that side of Western civilisation that really does, so naiively, push this idea of total freedom, without actually having the proper grounding of freedom. A fake freedom that is really a company in disguise. Total freedom and no limits are of course quite high and wonderful things to aim for, it's just that the freedom in those pop songs, and the 'desire' that is spoken of in that advert in the photograph, are not the higher kinds of freedom and desire. That's not the impression they give anyway. 'Don't stop my desire', when written on cheap shiny red paper and accompanied by images of supposedly luxurious chocolate, make you think, obviously, that it's less about the meaning and depth of the words and more about an advertising company trying to get you to love and pay them.

And as for no no no no no no no no no no no no there's no limit. Well there is a limit. And I like limitations and borders sometimes. Sometimes they are healthy. A very good friend of mine, a few weeks ago, said that I had changed. We hadn't talked properly in a while, and she claimed (after witnessing some of my behaviour and listening to some of my recent adventures) that I didn't live by rules anymore, or that I lived by my own rules now, which was of course not true, however in relation to the 'me' that she used to know, she was right. I had indeed burst out of that old, more conformist skin- some time ago. The creative drive had...has gone into overdrive and subsequently, somehow, somewhere along the line, it has seperated me from others, pushing me into a lifestyle that is now less and less reliant and influenced by outside forces and more and more reliant on personal inspiration. Because Western society has, perhaps ever since the time of the Imressionists in Europe, created a ready-made mould for 'the artistic outcast', and because of my own tendancies towards romantic ideals, I often find myself enjoying, or revelling (after the fact) in the realisation that I have become an outcast, and that my art, so tied up with my spirituality, is now my full time occupation and motivation. But when my friend, in her typically blunt way, God bless her, put the ludicrous question to me, "Why don't you just run down the streets naked?" I actually thought about it. In the general sense. My specific answer was, 'because I don't want to', and of course, that was true, but the unintentional spirit of the question had got me thinking, thinking in that totally blunt way which one often does with oneself, when one is unable to lie to oneself, or rather, when one has such power of perception and intellect that easy, lazy conclusions will just not satisfy (a blessing it is when this happens). I realised that despite the fact that there are things I do that most people don't understand, despite the many comments and friendly jokes I get each and every time I interact with others and do something "off-key", there are still plenty of things that I don't do. Plenty. With a few exceptions, I am still quite restrained in holding back criticism or blunt honesty when it may hurt someone (although I have indulged in this a few times of late, to see where it takes me) also, I don't slap people in the face, or pour water on their heads (not often with the water anyway.) And I do have urges to do these things sometimes too. There are a million more less entertaining, and just as true examples that I'm sure I could think of. I might limit my wild self for the benefit of my social need. Part of me is outcast, just as part of me is social. This is linked, I now realise, to the sketch that I did yesterday. The left eye was the social-me, and the right eye was the innate-me, the artist and total-human.

Aldous Huxley took a drug once, mescalin, and whilst the experience he wrote about in 'Doors of Perception' seems by all accounts to be something that the meditating mystic and spiritual person can attain totally naturally, the end result of his conclusions still prove a worthy read. The parts of his book which jump into my mind at this moment are when he discusses how wonderful it is to just see things as they are, regardless of purpose or concepts, just to see existance, shimmering and glowing in all its wonder, to see all the hidden beauty that we normally miss. He says that whilst he was in this state, the only aspect of him that lost out was his will-power. When one is in such a state, seeing things as they are and, in a way, totally free, one does not actually want to DO anything else. One is perfectly content just to keep on admiring, staring at the beauty of it all. And he rightly, in my opinion, cites this as a danger. Al-Ghazali's immortal words on the falseness of worldly beauty seem quite apt to insert here. What Huxley says is that such indulgences oppose human social interaction. And he's right. As much as I love to lose myself, take "a journey to the moon" in my mind- I am still of this world whilst I am here. Still clay and water. I don't want to lose that side of me all the way either. Both have benefits. Sometimes we veer off on one side and suffer the consequences of leaning too far over the ship, tilting too extremely to the edge, one side or the other.

A train-station at night-time in November. Cheap yellow light. An Egyptian girl who I met at University said this to me after we had concluded a conversation by saying it was all about balance, "That's the end of every conversation, it's all about balance!" She was right. It's not corny, it's true.

Like broken records and circle walkers, we are. The lessons are there, we walk, we take a wrong turn, we know it's wrong, we go on, we get hurt, we repent, we go right again.

The Prophet Muhammad said "My way is the middle way"

Frank Sinatra said, "I did it my way"

I want to be Frank Sinatra, after having understood that the Prophet Muhammad's way is the best way. Then I'll be able to say "The middle way is my way, and I'll do it my way."

Cloud.

Y.Misdaq, Ramadhan 09, 1427

Star..

Dream...